Prim v The Dog: A Detective Mellark Comedy
by HungryForMore74
Summary: You've asked for it, you've begged and now you've got it. A Prim story. Doctor Primrose Willow Everdeen-Hawthorne must fight the world's greatest supervillain to save humanity. Well, okay, I'm going a little overboard, just a little. Enjoy and review.
**Prim v Dog**

 **Partie Une**

They sat on the couch with their eyes locked.

"Don't look at me like that!"

He didn't move.

"I don't like him. I want him out now!" She turned away then looked back.

"STOP STARING AT ME!" Prim shifted further down the couch.

"He's vicious!" He leaned over to smell her.

"OH GOD! HE'S ATTACKING ME!" She got up and ran to the bathroom.

"I'm not coming out till you get rid of that monster!"

Rory petted his head. "Don't worry boy. Prim will come around." He pushed his snout under Rory's hand for more petting. "Prim, come on out. He's friendly. You'll see." The dog turned out to be more demanding than he had expected. "What's wrong boy, you want me to pet your head?" Rory scratched his head.

"I'm not coming out until you get rid of that vicious beast!" Rory walked away from the bathroom door and the dog followed.

"Come on, let's eat." Rory poured dog food into the bowl and a bowl of cereal for himself. "Looks like it's just me and you tonight." The dog looked up and cocked his head. "Yeah, I heard her come out of the bathroom too." Rory went back to his cereal and the dog went back to his bowl.

"I told you to get rid of it!" The door slammed _...click ...click ...click_

"I get the feeling we'll be sleeping on the sofa tonight." The dog put his head on Rory's lap.

Rory made his bed for the night. He crawled under the comforter. It's a rare night that he and Prim didn't spend together, but he knew when Prim locked the door there was no arguing with her. The dog curled up at his feet. "You're really a mutt. Aren't you?" The dog was a dirty gray and black mix. He had one blue eye and one green. His right ear stood straight up and the other flopped over. His head shot up when he heard the bedroom door open. The footsteps shuffled along. She peeked around the corner.

The dog yawned.

"Don't growl at me!"

She scowled at the dog. The dog got off the couch, stretched and walked towards her. _... click ... click ... click_

"What was that?" He looked at the dog. "Did Prim come out?" The dog pushed his snout under Rory's hand. "I thought so."

Rory got up when the dog dropped his leash in his lap. "Time for a walk." Rory left the apartment with the dog.

"Hello?" Prim opened the bedroom door. "Rory?" She inched her way down the hallway. "Are you here?" Prim walked into the kitchen confident that she was now safe from the beast that her beloved had unleashed upon her. She took the opportunity to make herself something to eat and drink.

The door opened. "Hey, look who's up," Rory said.

The dog jogged over to Prim.

"OH CHRIST! IT'S ATTACKING!" She jumped up and sat on the counter. "RORY! IF YOU DON'T GET RID OF THAT BEAST ... I'LL ... I'LL ..."

Rory pulled the dog back and Prim jumped down and ran away. "She can't stay holed up in there forever. Let's watch the ball game." The dog put his head on Rory's lap.

"This is just what I need. A nice relaxing hot shower." Prim let the warm water flow over her body. She could feel her blood pressure dropping ... "AHHHHHHHHH!" She jumped out of the shower, ran out and closed the bathroom door. "I TRAPPED IT IN THE BATHROOM!" She was jumping up and down pointing at the bathroom.

"What do you mean trapped it?"

She glared at Rory. "I TRAPPED THAT MAN-EATING WOLF YOU BROUGHT INTO OUR LIVES!"

Rory continued to make his sandwich. "I don't think he's ever actually eaten a man before." Rory looked at the dog that appeared from the hallway. "Hey boy, want a piece of cheese?"

"WE'LL NEVER BE SAFE! HE CAN OPEN DOORS BY HIMSELF!" Prim screamed as she ran out of the apartment.

"You didn't open it, did you?" The dog cocked his head. "I thought not. The lock is broken."

 _... ring ... ring ... ring_ "Hello, Mrs. Gibbons."

"I just saw your wife running down the stairs naked again. Do you want me to lead her home."

"No thank you, Mrs. Gibbons. She'll come back when she's ready. And besides, Mr. Gibbons had that episode last time he saw Prim naked."

"That's right. Well, if you think she'll be okay. Bye." Their neighbor hung up the phone and Rory ate his lunch.

Prim opened her bedroom door just a fraction of an inch. "Now where are you?" She didn't see the dog so she opened it a little bit more. "Um. Now where could you be?" She opened the door and crept out. She was wearing three pairs of pants, a sweatshirt, and a winter parker. Even if the dog bit her, she would be protected by the layers of clothing. "Where could you be hiding?"

. _.. sniff ... sniff ... sniff_

Prim started to shake. She slowly turned her head and looked down. He cocked his head and sniffed her leg. She opened the closet door and jumped in it. "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"

She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Damn voice mail. Uh um. Uh um. Uh um. RORYGETHOMENOWHE'SGOTMETRAPPEDINTHEHALLCLOSET!" She dialed again. "Dammit, doesn't anybody pick up their phone. KATIT'SPRIMIT'SANEMERGENCYI'MTRAPPEDINMYCLOSETBYAVICIOUSDOGHELPMEPLE

 _... beep_

What the ... damn battery."Prim sat on the floor and waited for help to arrive. "Oh crap, I gotta pee."

"Yeah, I know mom, I know that ... I'll call you back in a minute, your second born is calling me... Hi, Prim. She left a voicemail." "KATIT'SPRIMIT'SANEMERGENCYI'MTRAPPEDINMYCLOSETBYAVICIOUSDOGHELPMEPLE ..."

"What the hell was that?" Gale asked.

"I don't know. Something about a vicious dog and being trapped in her closet. Start out to her apartment. I'll call for ESU backup." Gale sped up and hit the lights and siren.

Two ESU cops met us. One held a pole and collar and the other had a tranquilizer gun. "Thanks, guys. All I know is she's trapped in a closet with the dog in the apartment."

"Are you ready?"

None of them moved.

"Well?"

Still nothing.

"Why aren't you guys moving in?"

They both looked at each other.

"Well ... um ... You see ..."

I stared in disbelief. "I can't believe you two are scared. You've confronted some heavily armed suspects, but you're telling me you're afraid of a little dog?"

"Well, we understand men, we can predict what they're going to do. Dogs on the other hand ..."

My jaw dropped. "Gimmie the dart gun! I'll go first!


End file.
